Well pregnancy number three was only one failed iui cycle after my scary ectopic pregnancy. It would have been great timing if it had worked out. I got my blood test results back the day of my husband’s awesome office Christmas party. Happy results- crummy timing =) I suppose it truly was my turn to be the designated driver. So my hcg levels were on the low side but nothing to cause alarm…. They rose appropriately for about 2 weeks. Which, by coincidence, was the time frame that ALL the Christmas parties we were to attend that season were in. Now, of course, I don’t mind not drinking if I am pregnant but I just had a feeling. So less than a week before Christmas I got the news…my betas were falling. I should expect a full blown m/c any day. That was a Friday, Sunday was the Church luncheon and the day we decorated the church for Christmas- it is usually one of my favorite days, carols, friends, the smell of the greens..it is wonderful. Except I just found out about my latest loss…oh..and that morning during the service..the cramps began. AAAHHH!!!! I swear I totally felt like I was being punished for something totally horrible I did in a past life. Maybe I was Hitler or something because it is getting really bad. To make matters worse we had fewer volunteers that usual and my best friend wasn’t there because she was sick – I really wanted to talk to her and tell her what is going on.
So I bled/cramped for over a week – on Christmas Eve when we had the big dinner at my house I was still cramping and bleeding. Now almost no one knew we were pregnant at all, and therefore, certainly didn’t know about the loss in progress so I had to play happy hostess. Yick. I have never had such a stressful and upsetting holiday ever. If you knew me you’d realize I am generally brimming with holiday spirit. My Christmas cards always arrive in your mailbox the day after Thanksgiving, my tree goes up the same day, I am done shopping usually by Columbus Day and I LOVE the month of December. One of the hardest things was pretending when I was not cocooned in my own safe haven that I was still cheerful and my heart wasn’t really shattered into a million pieces.
I am sure I don’t have to even say it.. but New Year’s Eve I drank more than enough to make up for what I missed earlier in the month and I couldn’t WAIT for a new freaking year!