OK When last we spoke I had just gotten my best BFP ever! I think I am still in shock. This is my fourth pregnancy and I have never made it past 7 weeks without disaster. So my first u/s was at less than 6 weeks – we didn’t expect to see much and since I had never really seen more than a sac I wasn’t expecting to see anything at all. Two days before my “pre-natal” ultrasound – (I have to put that in quotes because it just seems so unreal) I started spotting- not a lot- but bright red scary spotting. My hopes are being dashed with every drop of blood I see. But my ultrasound is in 2 days and since it is soooo flipping early anyway they really can’t see me early because we will be lucky to see anything Friday anyway. So two l o n g horribly stressful days later I go for my ultrasound. And.. well- we actually saw a sack- how crazy- I was only 5 weeks pregnant – but there it was – tiny and you couldn’t see anything inside but it was there and it was mine!!
So they said to come back in a week and we will check again. A WEEK are they kidding me?!?!?!? How about tomorrow? I suddenly decided that since I don’t know how long this is going to last so I want to be “IN” it every minute this time. I don’t want to try to stay detached so it might hurt less when the miscarriage happens (like that works anyway -NOT). I want to see every minute of life that my little one has. But not owing my own machine like Tom and Katie I guess a week it is.
Well.. my little one is already giving me issues.. I didn’t make it a whole week because of…you guessed it.. more spotting.. so I went in on Wednesday- I am a couple days shy of 6 weeks at this point.- I didn’t really want to go in early because they said I might see a heartbeat at 6 weeks.. and I wasn’t there yet. But I went in because I was terrified and if it is going to result in a miscarriage I want to know immediately and not find out a few days later that “Oops- it’s gone” I want to know now. So we go in…shaking and scared… and holy crow..it is still there, measures exactly where it should and it appears all is well. Whew… but guess what.. come back in a week!! AARgh!
Alright- it is Saturday night now and I suddenly had a ton of watery red blood- honestly I had been lying on the couch and when I got up I found blood all over the couch. Needless to say I was flipping out – I was in the bathroom crying, my husband was trying to clean off the couch before it stained – and the doctor’s office is closed until Monday. I called and they said it could be a broken blood vessel and I should stay on bedrest until Monday. Great… so.. is THIS the end? All of these stops and starts are freaking me out – I am TRYING to be zen and calm and “enjoy my pregnancy” but how the hell can you do that when you are bleeding every 2 days!
Ok- so Monday morning I go in- scared and shaking and honestly I could hardly even breathe … and holy mother of god…there is a heartbeat!!! A little flutter on the screen that was just chugging along. It was too early to hear it but wow…it was a heartbeat and it was inside me!!!
I am 6 weeks, 3 days pregnant and for the first time in 6 years of trying to conceive and 3 previous pregnancies.. I saw a heartbeat.