Wow- what a ride!

It has been far too long since I have been here.  I apologize.  I will tell you what is going on now and try to allow myself to re-live some of how I got here.  I am the proud, luckiest, happy mom of an amazing 3 1/2 boy,  As you all know this journey was long and arduous.  My pregnancy was the same.  I truly didn’t believe I was going to actually take home a baby until I heard him cry.  Honestly, I don’t know if I really believed it then either.  I feel like my whole personality has changed.  I am more peaceful and can roll with the punches far better than I ever could before.  I don’t make plans anymore,  I used to be a bit rigid but now I make suggestions of what to do and see how we feel that day.  My house is a mess, I don’t really do chores or errands except during weekend naps or on my lunch hour at work and I do not feel bad about it.  I don’t talk on the phone until after 8pm and I have only bought one (or maybe 2) purses in the last 3 years! LOL.  Some people say that I have given up too much of myself but I think I finally found who I wanted to be.  The treatment took far more of my friends and passions away.  I lived in a sad, lonely, numbing cocoon then.  Now I might be in a bubble- but it is full of sunshine and love and smiles. 

 

Just because I have found my way to motherhood doesn’t mean I forgot the journey or the pain.  I still feel the fear and have had panic attacks when the discussion of another comes up.  I will not be going though treatment again.  Maybe in time we might try to adopt a school age child – when Christopher is old enough to be part of the discussion.  I celebrate my son’s birthday with the fertility clinic and don’t see that ending any time soon.  I tell anyone that I had ivf.  I am not ashamed and am proud to be another face of infertility.  

I hope to be back regularly to tell you more about my journey, my eventful pregnancy and how I am learning to be the best mom I can be.  

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